Downward spiral

 been sailing through rough seas this weekend. charts are off, wind was blowing violently from every direction, and my sails were torn to shreads. never experienced these kind of conditions before. sure there were days where the waves were a little too rapid for my pleasure but never this rough.

my head was in a downward spiral. more severe than i had ever encountered. words were like katanas slicing through every little doubt leaving an open wound for me to pick at every nook and crany.


thoughts of hurting myself came to be more visual than ever.

this building might not be tall enough for me to actually die.

slitting my wrist would be too painful.

what if i lift my feet from the breaks for a split second while driving.


i ponder on who i have become as a person.

have i actually done the best that i could?

i am a freeloader.

i am no longer proud of who i am.

what does life mean after all of this?

why does living feels so long yet so short at the same time.

im lonely

what more do i have to offer the world?

why cloths just dont feel like me anymore?

should eat less.

i should eat more.

does my medication work?

or is it the cause of it all.


i was caught in a whirlpool, pulling me deeper and deeper into the deep blue sea. i could no longer see the blue sky that i love to gaze upon daily. my vision was blurry. all i could see was the bottom.

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